


The Exact Amount Of Minutes It Took (For Things To Change)

by ThesisThee



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Angst, BillDip, Blowjobs, College AU, Depression, Fluff, Grinding, Human!Bill, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, NSFW, Oral Fixation, Smut, depressed!dipper, each chapter will have notes with it's genre dw, i'll add more as they come up but this is the basics, mentions of self harm, sexshy!dipper, smut in later chapters, softcore smut in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-02 11:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4057849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThesisThee/pseuds/ThesisThee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU where Dipper is just trying to cope with his studies and his depression, but now he has a stupidly attractive jerk trying to ‘court’ him.</p><p>This is pretty much a bunch of one-shots of the same universe pieced together but they can all be read independently</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Anyone Who Listens To Fall Out Boy Knows That They Can Help You Cry (By Fall Out Boy)

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is about how Bill and Dipper get together. There's mentions of depression and low self-worth, also slight allusions to an eating disorder. Angst and Fluff.

Dipper had been fine. Okay, that was a lie, but he had been _coping_ hadn’t he? He had actually been getting his course work done on time and he had remembered to eat for the last few days and he was _okay_.   


Everything just felt pointless. He didn’t want to be himself anymore. He was fat and dumb and he couldn’t even breathe properly. So he didn’t really think before putting his headphones up as loud as they could go, hoping that they might just make this haze of emotion dissipate from around his head.

Unfortunately, just as Dipper was starting to calm down and dry his eyes there was someone knocking on his dorm room. Oh god, his breathing picked up again as he searched his brain for an excuse not to answer the door.

“I know you’re in there” an unfamiliar voice resonated through the wooden door and Dipper almost sobbed because he was bad enough around new people at the best of times, “I can hear your music from down the hall”

At this dipper cleared his voice and turned off his iPod, hoping whoever it was would just go now that they didn’t have something to complain about. But the world wasn’t siding with Dipper today and there were no footsteps to be heard outside his door.

The stranger knocked again and Dipper took a deep breath before calling out a broken ‘sorry’.

“Can I come in, I wanna see who I’m talking to”

“If I say no, will you leave me alone?”

Dipper could hear the smirk in the person’s voice as they told him that no, they wouldn’t. So Dipper wiped his face and straightened his shirt, looking around at his eternally messy bedroom and sighing before unlocking and pulling open the door.

Okay, that was not fair.

There was Dipper, standing in crumpled jeans and an oversized t-shirt, probably looking like he’d just been dragged straight out of hell, while there was probably the most attractive person he’d ever met staring right back at him.

They were extremely dressed up for hanging out in a dorm. They had on black skinny jeans that hugged their slim legs perfectly, and bright yellow chucks that were cleaner than humanly possible. They were wearing a matching coloured shirt and a black vest that made him look like a god. His hair looked like it had been taken right out of an anime, blonde strands that framed his face just the right way so that his eyes looked sunken, but were almost too pale to even make out an iris, just a pupil too large to be natural. To top it off there was a perfectly balanced top hat on their head. All in all, they looked like they were plucked right from one of Dipper’s books, or even right from his mind.

Dipper, at this point, realised that he had been staring and directed his gaze at his shoes, his face beet red and he felt like he could cry again at any moment.

Suddenly the stranger had stepped forward, forcing dipper back and into the apartment so that they could close the door. Dipper gulped, feeling very intimidated and cursing himself for his jumpy emotions.

“I’m called Bill” said the stranger, voice soft and calming and making dipper want to hear it until he fell asleep, “I’m sorry for scaring you, I just heard you from up the hall and I- hey are you crying?”

“N-no” Dipper stammered before he accidentally let another tear slip onto his cheek. He stepped backwards until he hit the bed and sat down rubbing his fists against his face.

“Can I touch you?” Bill said, and Dipper surprised himself by nodding his head.

Next thing he knew there were long arms wrapped around him from his left where the bed dipped. Bill smelt really good and fuck- Dipper did not mean to think that. The arms around him held him in place and warmed him, before pulling him slightly closer to the person they belonged to.

Dipper was too tired to think about what was happening at this point, some attractive stranger was holding him, and as much as it terrified him; how alone he would feel afterwards, he wanted to just pretend that the person holding him cared and wanted him to be happy. It was nice to just feel somewhat content for once.

“Look, don’t freak out, but I kinda heard that you were listening to fall out boy and I don’t like much music but fuck, they’re good but you were crying and I know that that means that you're sad and you’re really cute and I am really fucking bad at this but do you wanna talk to me? I’m just some person and I don’t even know your name so I can’t tell anyone about anything. I know that you don’t have anyone to talk to. I get it. I want you to be okay. Sorry, I don’t know how to do this”

“It’s okay”, Dipper sniffed and took probably a bit too long before continuing, “I don’t know either, I keep trying to do good things but there’s no real point to this. Like, I go to my classes and I listen to the lecturer tell me about whatever they’ve been told to, and I take notes but never really learn anything. And I come back to my dorm room and I forget why I even tried. I mean, I promised my sister that I’d try my hardest because she wants me to be happy, but I don’t even think its possible at this point. I’m 19 and some days I can’t get out of bed because I think too much and I’ve been to a million different professionals but I’m sick of taking medication and sitting listening to people tell me that I have to want to get better. But I fucking don’t wanna get better. I want to stop eating and punch the walls and bleed out before I can even say sorry. I’m just so pathetic, like I know that some people who have depression can’t help it but I’m supposed to be smart, people always told me that I was smart. But I can’t even fucking sleep at night because I can’t stop thinking, and I can’t go anywhere because there is literally no where to go.”

Dipper stopped when he realised that he’s basically just poured out his heart to a stranger. His voice had gotten gradually more and more clumped together to the point where there weren’t spaces for him to breathe. He felt that was appropriate. But he had never told anyone any of these things, not his family or his psychologist. He had never been good at talking to people, but something about this stranger made him want to tell them everything.

“I’m stupid and fat and a fucking fag and it’s my fault that the people around me worry, and my fault that I can’t do anything right an fuck-“

At this point the words were more hummed that spoken as Bill had pulled Dipper’s face to rest on their chest, and Dipper just stayed there as fingers ran through his messy hair.

* * *

The two of them found themselves meeting a few times, never with others around, and only when Dipper was upset. Though that happened more often than not with Dipper so that was to be expected.   


Bill didn’t talk much, but when he did Dipper would often feel like he was listening to an essay because of the way they spoke. Usually Bill would end up holding Dipper in some way, their hands intertwined or Dipper’s head on Bill’s lap. The two sat in silence and generally Dipper just enjoyed not being alone. Bill made him feel sane.

* * *

The sixth Dipper met Bill was, once again, on a very bad day. This was one of those days when Dipper couldn’t make himself leave his bed, and had cnsequently been there for the entire morning and a fair amount of the afternoon. He hadn’t remembered giving Bill his number but he had received a text just after waking up for the forth or fifth time, asking if he was up for spending some time together.

Dipper considered declining, but before he could send a reply there was Bill’s voice at his door and the door was swung open. Dipper could have sworn that he’d locked it. When the two were both shut in the room together Dipper just rolled over to see Bill on the other side of the room, sad smile on their features.

They were dressed more casually that before, just some jeans and a yellow hoodie with a single eye in the centre of it. It should’ve been creepy but Dipper just thought it was a little bit adorably dorky, especially when Bill pulled the sleeves of their hoodie down to cover their hands and shrunk back into the clothing upon Dipper’s gaze.

Bill opened their mouth to speak, then closed it again, before striding over to dipper’s bed and sitting on the edge.

Bill slowly leaned so that they were laying across Dipper’s blanketed torso and looking up at the boy with their pale eyes and feeling the rise and fall of Dipper’s chest.

Dipper half-heartedly smiled at the person on top of him and adjusted himself under their weight.

The two stayed like that for a while, communicating with sighs and eye contact. Dipper took a while to muster up the energy to speak.

“If I ask you something will you be honest with me?” Dipper said, his voice cracking and his tongue not quite cooperating enough for proper pronunciation.

Bill nodded and bought up a hand to trace patterns over Dipper’s chest through the blanket.

“Okay, uh” Dipper cleared his throat, “Are you just doing this to make fun of me for being gay or something, cause if you are it’s okay, I’m used to it, I’d just rather know so I don’t like, get too invested in you.”

Dipper could see the gears turning in Bill’s mind and he bit the inside of his cheek waiting for the other’s response.

“First of all, you are sad, and when I first uh- heard you I didn’t exactly plan for that. I wanted to court you but you’re not where you are supposed to be. I still want you but I don’t know how to make you okay so I’m just doing what I think you want and hoping that maybe it’ll make you want to be mine. Then I can have you and you’ll be healthy, too”

Dipper didn’t really know how to respond to what Bill had said, but then the words caught up with him,

“You want to _court_ me?”

“I think it’s also called dating or- I’ve heard the term fucking before, though I do think it’s much better just as an exclamation”

At this dipper couldn’t help letting out a snort. Bill had just said that the wanted to _fuck_ him. Had he misunderstood? How on earth had this perfect person just said that they want Dipper, the literal definition of human trash.

“Hey don’t pout. It’s okay, Pine Tree” Oh, dipper had almost forgotten about that nickname, because he hadn’t actually told Bill his name yet, had he? And they had just decided to name him after the image of a pine tree on an old cap Dipper had been wearing the second time they spent time together.

Dipper formed his features to stop displaying his emotions.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I just- I don’t believe you. You’re way too pretty to want to spend time with me. I’m so shit and today I literally ditched classes because I wanted to just never wake up. And now you’re saying that you want me- and that doesn’t make sense because you’re amazing and im- well, I’m just _me_ ”

Bill looked almost- taken aback for a second before they pulled off of Dipper and moved to lay besides him, pushing the blanket to the foot of the bed. Dipper found his body pulled back against Bill’s and let himself relax into the touch that was beginning to feel more and more like home every time the two of them were in such close proximity.

Dipper could feel Bill’s breath against the back of his neck and heard the words that were almost too quiet to hear.

“You’re not _just_ anything, Pine Tree” Bill said and pressed a gentle kiss to Dipper’s skin, “I may not know you perfectly well but you are so much. You have an amazing complex mind that is too smart for your own good. You are incredibly attractive, even if you aren’t the best at personal hygiene. You are soft and kind and strong and yet caught up in your own head. You are amazing, you just can’t see that. As much as I want to show you that, it’s something that you have to understand by yourself and in your own time.”

Dipper didn’t know how to respond so he just leaned back into the other and sighed.

* * *

Dipper didn’t remember falling asleep but when he woke up Bill’s arm was around his waist and there wasn’t much light outside.

“Wakey, wakey, sleepy head” Said Bill, who apparently had been half-asleep themself judging by their groggy tone.

Dipper shifted slightly so that their faces were so close he could feel Bill’s breath on his lips. Bill reached their hand up to run through Dipper’s hair, combing through the messy strands and causing the boy to hum contentedly. Bill slowly pushed Dipper’s fringe from his face and smiled.

“You didn’t tell me you had a birthmark, and it’s so unusual too”

“Sorry” Dipper sighed, “I don’t like it, people used to make fun of it when I was little so I hid it”

“But it’s so cute, it gives you character”

Dipper didn’t reply, just closed his eyes and tried hard not to think of all of the teasing, though he ended up thinking about how many times his sister had been there to look after him. He felt extremely guilty for not having gotten better.

“Uh- Bill. My name’s Dipper, by the way. Like my birthmark. I kinda just really hate my name cause it’s just- it’s never really felt right”

Bill’s smile grew even more and they kept their fingers running through Dipper’s hair while they whispered the new name to the boy.

“Okay” Dipper amended, “It doesn’t sound nearly as bad when you say it”

The two were just smiling and laying there for what Dipper felt was a long time, but was probably only a number of seconds. Then Dipper felt pressure on his lips and before his eyes focused they were closed and Dipper automatically pressed back. He couldn’t help but sigh and fist Bill’s shirt, bring them closer together feeling even more of the other’s comforting warmth.


	2. Dipper Sucks (literally)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is forced to deal with the effects of his childhood, and Bill doesn't understand what's wrong with wanting comfort.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by the amazing Jennifer (http://archiveofourown.org/users/1sakichan2)
> 
> Inspired by this (http://dannihowell.tumblr.com/post/76482485556)
> 
> Dedicated to my best friend who has no idea she was a part of this.
> 
> P.S. line breaks are time skips :)

When Dipper was a kid, he used to suck on his thumb a lot. As he grew older the pressure to act ‘normal’ made him eventually stop, but it was still a comfort to him. Keeping his mouth occupied helped to calm himself down. When he was stressed, his sister used to ridicule him for chewing on his shirt. He would often wake  with the corner of his blanket in his mouth, or one of his fingers.

 

Unfortunately for Dipper, this led to a whole new level of awareness when he woke up and found that he had been sucking on Bill’s fingers, which were now covered in saliva and retracting once Dipper stopped moving his mouth.

 

Dipper’s first reaction was to blush, stutter, and pull away from Bill’s embrace to cover himself with the blanket. His entire face was red and he couldn’t concentrate on anything except on how much he hated himself at that moment. I’m a freak, a horrible disgusting freak and Bill is going to leave ran through his head and he found that he couldn’t breathe properly. His vision was becoming hazy and he realised with a start that he was crying.

 

His chest convulsing, Dipper tried desperately to suck in oxygen. He wanted to die. He just wanted to plunge a knife into his heart, or slit open his wrists. He wanted to crawl over to the wall and jump out of the window but between the window and his shaking body was the one and only... Bill.

 

Due to his panic, Dipper hadn’t noticed Bill’s obvious distress until then. Bill was wearing the most horribly worried and helpless expression that Dipper had ever seen. But Dipper thought, they’re just sitting there watching me break down. And that thought fuelled his earlier crying to a full-blown sobbing. 

 

Dipper shifted hastily but then suddenly felt himself falling off of the bed, eyes shutting and head hitting the floor with a strong thump. He was still desperately trying to form a coherent thought when his throbbing head was being gently lifted and his tears were being wiped with some kind of cloth.

 

His head was eventually set down, in what Dipper realised had to be Bill’s lap. Bill’s fingers must have been running through his hair, but Dipper’s eyes didn’t open, horrified  at the notion that Bill was going to make sure he wasn’t hurt and then leave. 

 

“Pine Tree” Bill’s warm voice made it’s way into Dipper’s head and he took in a rattling breath. Then he felt a pair of lips on his forehead and felt himself relax.

 

It’s okay. He doesn’t hate me. He tried to reassure himself.

 

He slowly opened his eyes and focused on Bill’s messy hair and worried expression.

 

“Pine Tree, I’m sorry” Okay, that wasn’t what he expected.

 

“W- What for?” Dipper croaked out, then winced as his head gave a particularly painful throb.

 

“I didn’t know what to do and then you were crying and I wasn’t upset with you I just didn’t know what to do and I was scared and now you’re hurt and it’s all my fault” Bill was speaking much faster than usual, and his tone was nowhere near as formal as usual. He was truly spooked by what Dipper had done.

 

“No, I’m sorry, Bill” Dipper said, and shifted so that he was sitting up against his bed, “I didn’t think that I still uh- that I would end up doing that to you”

 

Bill smiled at that. They reached and bought Dipper’s hand to their lips, kissing his fingertips and mumbling against them. “I think it’s adorable”.

 

Dipper focused on his breathing and the soft lips brushing over his fingers. The two stayed like this, with the small contact that kept Dipper grounded for a while. It always took some time for Dipper to calm down, and even then he knew he’d be on edge for the rest of the day. He managed though, he took another deep breath and moved his fingers away from Bill’s lips, towards their jaw. Pulling Bill’s face closer, Dipper leaned in and connected their lips briefly before leaning forward and clinging onto Bill. He just really needed the contact.

 

After a while the two ended up on Dipper’s bed, cuddled together under the covers, and Bill worried that if they mentioned anything about Dipper’s constant lip biting that it might upset him again. Bill really couldn’t handle Dipper crying two times in as many hours, they weren’t at all sure what to do.

 

Bill gave in soon enough.

 

“Pine Tree” he started, and the boy just nodded, shaking hair into his eyes, “Can you stop biting your lip, please. I don’t want you to hurt yourself and it looks ready to bleed anytime now.”

 

Dipper immediately let his lip move from between his teeth, flushing red and burying his face in Bill’s shoulder.

 

“It’s okay, Pine Tree, I just worry”

 

“I’m sorry” Dipper mumbled through Bill’s shirt, “Its a coping thing”

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“It’s stupid.” He pulled his face away from Bill’s torso and turned away slightly to train his eyes on the blanket “I just keep thinking about how gross I am, It just- calms me I guess. Keeping my mouth busy just lets me relax and I’m used to being stressed 24/7 so it just kind of happens. I didn’t think I did it in my sleep so much anymore. I think I was having a bad dream, though”

 

Dipper didn’t feel confident enough to look at Bill for a while, but when he did they didn’t seem too phased about the information, more contemplative.

 

“So…” Bill started, gathering their thoughts, “So if it helps you then why is it bad?”

 

Dipper was caught by that, his gaze flickering up to meet Bill’s. They had a point, and Dipper was struggling to find an answer but his mind wasn’t giving anything of use.

 

“It’s a thing babies do” He shrugged, still perplexed as to why it was such a bad thing to him.

 

“Babies also breathe and dream and learn” Bill replied, “So what if it’s not so common, if it helps you then how could it bother me?”

 

* * *

 

A few days later Dipper had had a particularly bad day of classes, a few other students had purposely ignored him because he accidentally knocked over one of their drinks. On top of that a professor had called him out on his late essay in front of the entire class, and he had forgotten to eat all day.

 

Dipper wasn’t really in the mood to have Bill knocking on his door when it happened and the excited voice from outside made him feel extremely guilty, but he unlocked the door and didn’t resist the arms around him, even if he felt claustrophobic the second he felt the touch.

 

Eventually, Bill pulled back and immediately lost their smile upon seeing Dipper’s face. There were bags under his eyes from not sleeping the night before, his mouth couldn’t form anything but a tired line, and his hair hadn’t even been brushed to cover his birth mark entirely.

 

“Oh, Pine Tree” Bill whispered, peppering other’s face with kisses and letting their fingertips explore what their lips weren’t touching.

 

Bill led Dipper over to the bed and pulled the boy to sit between their legs, his back pressing against Bill’s chest and providing comfort to Dipper’s worn out body.

 

“I’m sorry” Dipper said, for the millionth time in his life. God, it may as well be his motto at this point, it seemed the only thing he ever really said because he just kept making idiotic mistakes, “I wish I could be happy for you”

 

“Shh” Bill said, moving to pepper kisses to the back of Dipper’s neck, and stroking his sides with their hands, trying to just get the other to relax, “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. Can I do anything to help you?”

 

“No, you do too much already. I might go have a shower, though. My muscles hurt”

 

“Yeah, that’s perfectly okay, I’ll make you mac and cheese for dinner though, because I know you haven’t eaten all day”

 

Dipper nodded and leaned back into Bill for a moment before pulling away. 

 

* * *

 

When Dipper got dressed into his PJs he made his way out of the bathroom, flicking off the light and letting himself adjust to the low lighting in his dorm room. Bill had somehow found some candles and lit them on Dipper’s bed side table. The microwave had a few seconds to go before it would ding, and Bill was watching Dipper from the furthest corner of the room.

 

“Bill…” Dipper started, unsure what to say. Honestly, he was tired and he didn’t have the energy to think of a proper response to something so kind. He instead walked over and kissed Bill softly. The other smiled and wrapped their arms around Dipper before the microwave beeped to signal that their mac and cheese was ready.

 

Dipper managed to form some sort of soft smile and Bill smiled back, before pulling away.

 

“Lets eat on the bed, okay?”

 

Dipper nodded and helped Bill serve up the food into two bowls, noticing how Bill put a little bit more into his bowl but not bothering to point it out.

 

They both sat close and ate in silence. When Dipper put their bowls on his side table, strategically avoiding the candles, he settled his head between the crook of Bill’s neck. Bill’s arm wrapped around Dipper to hold him close. There wasn’t much to speak about, except what Bill didn’t know how to bring up, so they just sat in silence. 

 

Eventually Dipper moved his head to Bill’s lap and his body curled up, appearing more and more adorable with every second that passed.

 

“Pine Tree?” Bill inquired, finally ready to venture into their topic of choice. Upon receiving a mumble of recognition, they continued, “Well you know how you said that biting your lip helped you? Well is it the same thing with my fingers? I know you were embarrased but I don’t think it’s embarrassing or bad in any way and if it helps you-“

 

Dipper was now on his back, watching Bill, “Are you telling me you want me to suck on your fingers  until I feel better?”

 

“Well” Bill thought for a second, “It doesn’t have to be just when you’re sad, you can do it whenever you want. Honestly it’s calming for me because I get to feel that you’re there, and that you’re okay”

 

“Okay… uh… are you absolutely sure? Because It’s already really awkward enough for me like kissing you and stuff and I just feel like I'm overbearing”

 

Bill chuckled at that and breathed out, “You’re not the least bit annoying, Pine Tree” Then Bill moved their hands to cup Dipper’s face and traced his fingers along his lips, not forcing anything but leaving the invitation open.

 

Dipper just laid and watched Bill’s face for a while, seeing the serene expression and letting himself feel the same. He slowly opened his mouth and felt Bill’s finger move in a little bit. He nervously ran his tongue over the digits, watching the other’s face carefully, monitoring for any signs of discomfort. 

 

Bill’s finger entered further, not moving but staying subject to Dipper’s tongue, which  slowly grew more confident.

 

Dipper sealed his lips around the intruding finger and sucked softly, relaxing into the comforting feeling and Bill’s caring features. Dipper kept up the action, using Bill’s digit as a baby uses a pacifier. He closed his eyes and shuffled so his neck wasn’t stretched against Bill's leg, but resting on their thigh like a pillow.

 

Bill was smiling softly at Dipper’s reactions, happy that they had been capable of comforting the boy with something so simple. They used their thumb to run over a small part of Dipper’s jaw, feeling the slight prickle of Dipper’s unshaved facial hair, and feeling the movements that came with the sucking.

 

* * *

 

Things seemed to change back to normal, unusual, but okay. The two fell into the habit of Bill’s fingers finding their way to Dipper’s mouth, and Dipper falling asleep, safe with Bill’s warmth and protection.

 

Things took a drastic turn when Bill got a little flustered when the two were cuddling while Dipper was sucking. They tried hard to seem unfazed.

 

“Are you okay, Pine Tree?” they asked, deciding to find out why the boy was behaving particularly aggressive this evening. 

 

Dipper pulled his head back from the fingers and twisted around to face Bill, faces only a breath away from each other.

 

“Yeah, I’m just a little bit stressed out and then you started acting a bit weird and I just got worried. I’m sorry, I’m being stupid” He rambled. 

 

“Oh, Pine Tree” Bill soothed, running their slightly rough hand over Dipper’s neck and shoulder, “It’s okay, I’m sorry, I just- uh, I actually don’t really know how to say this without upsetting you”

 

Dipper noticed the red tinge to the other’s cheeks, and analyzed the other’s behavior. Bill was keeping their legs off of Dipper, or more their... Dipper flushed deeply and shied away from the other a bit, knowing that if this conversation was going to happen, he wouldn’t prove a very talkative part of it.

 

 Dipper could sense Bill’s attempt to not smile at his reaction.

 

“I’m sorry” Bill started, “I’m making you uncomfortable, I’ll go if you want or just... visit the bathroom or... I don’t know, sorry, I’m not really used to this”

 

Dipper closed his eyes, and thought for a second before shaking his head a bit, “No, stay and uh- we can um- yeah”

 

Dipper was scared to open his eyes so he just moved his head to nuzzle Bill’s neck. “Pine Tree, you don’t have to, really. I don’t want to make you feel awkward. I’m sorry” Dipper finally opened his eyes and looked at Bill’s face, ready to voice his thoughts.

 

“I want to- I just” he swallowed nervously, “I haven’t ever done anything uh- sexual... with anyone before, and I don’t know what I’m doing or what I feel comfortable with, I want to do something with you, though. I just don’t know what to do or how to do it. And then there’s my- Well, there’s a good reason that I don’t ever get changed in front of you” 

 

Dipper tried not to let worry coil in his gut as he waited for Bill’s response, but eventually the other simply nodded and whispered to him, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” and leaned forward to kiss Dipper.

 

The two had never done much more than cuddling and light kissing, though Dipper didn’t really know how to react when Bill’s mouth felt so warm and just _nice_ against his. Their firm lips moved warmly against his, before parting slightly. Dipper followed suit and soon found himself rather enjoying the motion of their mouths together.

 

Bill pulled away to give the two a chance to catch their breaths and spoke quietly, “Is that okay, Pine Tree?”

 

Dipper hummed in agreement, but shuffled closer to Bill, missing the other's body pressed against his own. He stopped moving, though, upon feeling the slight bulge in the other’s trousers. Dipper suddenly felt the brief confidence leave him. Bill was probably so much more experienced and Dipper was going to make a fool of himself. He wouldn’t be good enough. He was going to do everything wrong.

 

But then Bill’s fingers were brushing against his face and the other looked at him lovingly. Dipper melted. He wanted more of their kissing, he would be okay, he could do this.

 

Dipper reconnected their lips, opening his and feeling himself get into the motion. Bill’s tongue then swiped across his bottom lip and Dipper pulled back, unsure on how to proceed. He tilted his head towards Bill, asking silently for an explanation.

 

Bill thought for a moment before beginning to explain, “I think it’s called french kissing” they said, “You use your tongue. Much like you to with my fingers, just with reciprocation. You don’t have to do anything at first, I’ll show you, okay?”

 

Dipper nodded and stayed still for Bill to attach their mouths. When they did, their tongue slowly moved into Dipper’s mouth, sliding along Dipper’s tongue and feeling too sinfully good for something so strange. Dipper gathered the courage to copy Bill, running their tongues together and taking in the feel of Bill’s mouth.

 

 

 

Dipper thought that he could do this forever, but unfortunately he didn’t excel in breathing through his nose and had to pull away to properly take in oxygen. Bill smiled at him and ran their hands to run over the skin where his shirt had hiked up.

 

Dipper really wanted to keep kissing Bill, but found the warm fingers on his abdomen so soothing he had to let out a purr, which made him clamp his hands over his mouth with embarrassment.

 

“You okay, Pine Tree?” Bill asked, stilling their hands, but not removing them. “Yeah” Dipper said, somewhat shakily, “I didn’t mean to do that”

 

“It’s alright” Bill assured, continuing the movement of their hands. Running their warm fingers around Dipper’s torso and pulling his shirt up further, “Its normal and it tells me to keep doing the things that you like”

 

“O-Okay” Dipper squeaked slightly, closing his eyes and relaxing into the intimate movements, squeaking when his nipples were brushed over and squeezed because the shirt couldn’t slide above his shoulders.

 

Dipper didn’t want to stop Bill, but couldn’t let them continue without having to break the mood first.

 

“Uh- Bill” He started, pulling the other’s hands away and sitting up straighter, letting his shirt slide part way back down his chest, “I um should tell you something about my body before you see it...”

 

His voice was quiet, and Bill tried not to let their worry show as they brushed fingers through the boy’s curls.

 

“I uh- my arms are-“ He took another breath and started again, “I have scars on my arms, and on my legs too. They’re - Well, my sister made me stop but she didn’t know for a long time and they’re- I’m sorry”

 

Dipper was trying hard not to let tears slip, he didn’t want to stop. It was just that he had never told anyone this before. Especially not someone he liked so much. He wanted Bill’s approval and acceptance, but this was something that wasn’t normal, or healthy. He knew that and he didn’t want Bill to hate him.

 

Bill didn’t say anything, instead they slowly removed Dipper’s shirt, sleeves and all. When Dipper’s face was visible again, there were tear tracks running down his face and Bill wiped them away with the pad of their thumb. They took Dipper’s arms in their hands gingerly, looking at the angry lines before running their lips softly over each scar. Not kissing, but letting Dipper know that they weren’t angry, just upset that it had ever come to that.

 

Bill’s eyes looked wet when they met Dippers, but Dipper connected their lips and wrapped his arms around Bill, needing the close contact to keep him sane. After a few minutes, they were where they had left off. Kissing and running hands over each other's skin.

 

This time, Dipper moved his hands to feel Bill’s back. Under their shirt, the skin was smooth and warm; comforting, like everything else about Bill.

 

Eventually Bill pulled away from Dipper and took off their shirt. Dipper took a moment to admire their bare chest, flat and slightly toned. Not much hair, but a trail leading to their waistline caught Dipper’s attention.

 

Dipper, feeling brave, followed the hair to where the cloth was. Daring to venture further he squeezed his fingers under the material, earning a moan as his fingers brushed over what must have been...

 

Dipper blushed beet red and quickly withdrew his hand. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking but now he was feeling like he’d ruined everything. He felt as though he killed the mood and was suddenly feeling panicky.

 

Bill pulled the boy into his arms, “Do you want to stop, Pine Tree? Are you okay? Do you need me to get you a glass of water or something?”

 

Dipper felt extremely guilty because Bill was trying to make him comfortable. But all Dipper wanted to do was make them feel good. Dipper shut his eyes and took a deep breath before moving to straddle Bill. Kissing them hard, and leaving the other confused as to what was happening.

 

Bill, though, went with the new pace, kissing back quickly and just as hard as Dipper. Carefully moving their hands on the boy’s back, moving slowly further down, over cloth, but still leaving plenty of time for Dipper to stop them.

 

Dipper then did something Bill hadn’t expected. He moved his mouth from Bill’s so suck at their neck. Kissing and moving from their jaw to their bare collar bone. Bill moaned at that, squeezing the flesh in their hands and throwing their head back, enjoying the feeling a hell of a lot.

 

Dipper was very satisfied with the reactions he was getting, but stopped and took a moment to look at the person underneath him. Bill was incredibly attractive and on Dipper’s bed.

 

When Bill opened their eyes to look at Dipper, they pulled their hands away and watched the other cautiously. Watching the way Dipper’s chest rose and fell, tongue licking at his lips subconsciously, and his hands resting on Bill’s torso.

 

“Pine Tree?” Bill said, “If you want to I can help you. If you lie down on the bed, and you don’t even have to take off your pants or anything, I can just make you feel really good, okay?”

 

Dipper nodded and moved off of Bill, laying on the bed and waiting for Bill.

 

Bill rolled over and almost mimicked Dipper’s position from earlier. They leaned their arms on the bed, on each side of Dipper’s shoulders and kissed the boy. Letting their tongues slide together and letting themself get carried away with Dipper. Bill still, however, managed to press their hips against Dipper’s, which caused him to stop kissing and let out a whine. Dipper pressed back and wrapped his arms around Bill’s back, digging his nails in slightly, suddenly realising how much he wanted this.

 

Bill kept up the kissing, rubbing their body against Dipper and letting the boy lose himself in the pleasure. Bill was feeling pretty amazing too, but was much more coherent in their noises. Asking if Dipper was okay only to receive a hand squeezed against his shoulder and a moan of appreciation.

 

Dipper was finding himself to be proving very sensitive. His stomach was curling and knotting and he felt really, really good. On edge and wanting to jump, but wanting to continue; to revel this feeling. He tried to focus on kissing Bill and grinding up against them.

 

Before too long, though, Dipper was panting out Bill’s name and the pressure released as his underwear felt much more sticky than they had been previously.

 

Bill stopped moving and let Dipper calm down, kissing over his face and using one hand to brush the hair out of his eyes.

 

Once Dipper was able to think straight he looked up to Bill and blinked slowly, “You didn’t...“ 

 

 

“No, that’s okay, though” they gave Dipper a chaste kiss and lay down alongside him.

 

“It’s not okay” Dipper huffed and straddled Bill again, “I want to uh- you know” 

 

Bill watched Dipper for any sign of hesitation, then took his hand, slowly guiding it to where Dipper apparently wanted to be. Just the slight grazing of fingertips caused Bill to release a shuddering breath.

 

Bill withdrew their hands and felt Dipper start to massage his fingers over them. It felt so good, but after a minute or so Dipper stopped.

 

“No” He said, “I mean with my mouth”

 

“Are you sure?” Bill said, trying not to think of Dipper’s amazing mouth around them, and shifting slightly.

 

Dipper nodded and slowly unbuttoned Bill’s pants, sliding them past their hips and running his fingers over the outline visible through Bill’s boxers. Before long, Dipper pulled those down, too, trying not to be intimidated by what he was about to do.

 

Dipper parted his lips and leaned down to take Bill’s skin in his mouth, sucking like he usually did on Bill’s fingers. Unlike with their fingers, though, this use of Dipper’s mouth earned him amazing noises from the other. Dipper could taste something salty as he ran his tongue over the head, and felt Bill shudder as he did.

 

After a little while Bill was shaking and pulling on Dipper’s hair as they came into Dipper’s mouth.

 

After catching their breath, Bill smiled and said “I was pulling on your hair so it didn’t go in your mouth, silly” Before ushering the boy to come and kiss him.

 

Apparently, Dipper had swallowed, but Bill could still taste the remnants on the other’s tongue.

 

After a bit of cooling down, they ended up on top of the blankets, both only wearing boxers, holding each other close.

 

* * *

 

When Dipper woke up, Bill’s fingers were in his mouth, but he couldn’t feel any safer than he did laying there together with the dream demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not think that Bill is a boy. They are non binary in this, which means that they use they/them/their pronouns and don't identify with male or female. (This also applies to me, so please use the right words <3)
> 
> Thank you very much for reading. Please comment or prompt me for other chapter ideas <3


	3. Margherita

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper has a rough day. (This chapter is quite short, sorry)
> 
> Once again, Beta'd by the amazing, Jennifer (http://archiveofourown.org/users/1sakichan2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this chapter came from a television show; please like me. In one episode the protagonist is put in a really difficult position, his ex is drunk and skinny dipping at the beach at night, while his boyfriend is having a panic attack. (it’s really good, please go and watch it it’s amazing and funny and realistic. I might write fanfiction of it too if anyone wants me to). I also wrote part of it as I was feeling pretty crappy myself, so I’m sorry if it’s triggering. I’m always here to talk if you need it. Just send me a message at thelonethesis.tumblr.com/ask <3

Everything felt dulled. Dipper couldn’t feel things as sharply as he once had, his vision now felt like an interference off of an old television set. His ears were ringing, like he was underwater. That would explain his aching lungs and spinning head, too. There was a loop of self-destructive thoughts circling around his head.

He hadn’t hurt himself on purpose since the last christmas he’d spent with his family. It had just all been too much, the bickering and the stress, and he’d needed the release to smile for all of the cameras. He hadn’t planned on his sister finding him asleep on the couch, sleeve nudged up enough for her cry and wake him up.

Dipper had never seen so much care aimed at him directly, and he had stayed clean for so long, but he was really feeling it today. The white marks on his arms and legs were blurry in his sight, but his memory could recall them bleeding heavily and the stinging they caused the next day in the shower. He wished the memories would stop, though, because they bought with them the cause of each time he’d hurt himself.

There was the time that his best friend (until then), told him to kill himself. Another few marks along his wrist had resulted from a teacher telling his parents that he’d failed to hand in a few too many pages of homework. There were some particularly deep gashes in his leg from the day he’d been beaten to a pulp by a girl at school who kept calling him a faggot.

These marks were just reminding Dipper of how much he deserved every single little thing he’d experienced. The bullying and the failure, all the times people told him he wasn’t trying hard enough. He wasn’t really trying at all, was he?

Right now he was collapsed on the floor of his bathroom, with a razor in his hand, deciding weather to break it from the plastic and cut, or not. He was probably supposed to be in class, but he hadn’t looked at the time or opened the blind, so he may have been stuck in limbo, for all he knew.

 

The worst part, however, was that nothing had happened. Dipper had simply woken up feeling a little worse than usual, but as soon as he tried to get dressed he had just started crying. Proper, heavy sobs that left him breathless and wheezing. He had tried to pull himself out of it but he didn’t have any energy.

He hadn’t slept for more than a couple of hours that night, and he was just so freaking tired, it made him even more exhausted. It was a cycle, just like everything else in Dipper’s life. A downwards spiral that just left him feeling worse every time the same thing hit him in the face.

Through his thoughts, Dipper hadn’t noticed that the ringing in his ears wasn’t entirely made up, his phone was vibrating in the other room, but Dipper couldn’t even feel the tiles he was sitting on properly. His fingers were numbed and his mind was hazy, it felt like a bad high. But Dipper knew it wasn’t, because this was just how he was. Dipper was a screw up and he deserved to feel even worse than this.

He was there for what felt like forever, running circles in his head. He shouldn’t do this, his sister would hate him. But she should, he was a horrible person, the sooner she gave up on him the better. He didn’t want to hurt her but he was going to eventually if he didn’t detach himself from her.

And then there was Bill, who kissed his face and held him close. What the hell was Dipper doing letting them get so close to him; to someone so dangerous. Dipper messed up everything he touched, what had he already done to Bill? The other should be running away as quickly as possible, not … not standing in the doorway of the bathroom looking red faced and panicked.

* * *

 

When Bill entered the bathroom, their face fell and they tried hard not to let their emotions affect their actions. Their first movement was tentative and towards Dipper’s hand, to take the razor away and throw it somewhere behind them to land on the floor.

Next they sat down across from Dipper, grabbing his hands and squeezing. They were afraid to even speak. Dipper hadn’t moved since Bill had entered. Not even lifting his head or doing anything more than barely breathing in and out.

Dipper, though, didn’t move away, or resist Bill’s touch. That was something. That meant that he was going to be okay, right?

“Pine Tree-” Bill started, then changed their mind, “Dipper” they amended before continuing.

“Dipper, what’s wrong?” They tried, but there was no response apart from a shuddering breath Dipper let out.

“Can I do anything?” They tried again, but there was nothing, just silence and stillness.

Bill sighed and stood up, not to leave, but to walk around Dipper and pick him up in their arms. Struggling a little under the dead weight, Bill managed to carry Dipper to his bed and pull him to rest against their chest.

Bill ran their fingers through Dipper’s hair for a long time. After a bit, Dipper shifted in their arms and took their spare hand to get their fingers to his mouth.

Bill relaxed once Dipper did this. This meant that Dipper was okay, that he was once again thinking rationally and calming down. It meant that he accepted Bill’s comfort and was feeling at least a little bit better than earlier. 

Dipper then eventually fell asleep, exhausted from the day's events, beyond grateful for Bill, and more than anything, feeling like he’d gotten past the worst of the episode.

* * *

 

Dipper woke up to a warm bed but no Bill in sight. After the immediate panic, however, Dipper smelled pizza and heard hushed whispers of Bill and someone else, who was presumably delivering said pizza. Dipper closed his eyes and feigned to be asleep.  

When Dipper heard the door close, he opened his eyes to the sight of Bill watching from across the room. They immediately set aside the box in their hands and walked to sit next to Dipper.

“Hey, Pine Tree. How are you feeling?”

“Better” Dipper croaked out, “I’m sorry”

“Hey, Hey” Bill said, cupping Dipper’s face in their hands and giving a quick peck to his nose, “Don’t be sorry for that, I just got worried. I’m sorry I couldn’t help more, I didn’t really know what to do so I just- I don’t know. I did what usually makes you feel better. I’m just so happy to see you awake, alive, and breathing, okay?”

Dipper sat up and outstretched out his arms, a signal that he wanted to be close to Bill. The other quickly obliged and had the boy securely against their chest, wrapped in the embrace and hearing the regular breathing.

A few minutes passed before Bill suggested they watch a movie on Dipper’s laptop while eating pizza. Dipper was happy to oblige, glad that the other didn’t feel the need to pressure him into talking about what had happened.

* * *

 

Two hours, a pizza, and a lot of kisses from Bill later, Dipper had his mind set on talking it out.

“I’ve never done this before, by the way” Dipper said. Bill was leaning against the headboard while Dipper was leaning against them, head against their shoulder. Their hands were intertwined and Bill had been quite fixated with Dipper’s fingertips before the boy started talking.

“It’s alright, Pine Tree. Just do what you want to do, okay?”

Dipper nodded and swallowed, gathering the thoughts in his head before he tried to voice them out loud.

“Well, I’ve never been happy. Not really. When I was a kid I wasn’t really smart enough to be rational about anything, but then as I got older I started realizing that people were really mean to each other, and to me. My family were pretty good, especially my sister, but they had their own lives and their own problems to deal with. I just felt needy whenever I was sad. But it started being part of me. I was always sad and tired to the point where I wasn’t me without it. And when I didn’t have anyone, I had blades and it gave me something that made it hurt a little less. Pain felt good when it gave me control and something to focus on. It let me forget about everything that was bad. It was just- easier than not doing it. And by then I was too exhausted to try. I did stop for my sister though, I tried. She made me go to the doctor and I had to talk about things, but I couldn’t because nothing in my head makes any logical sense. It just seemed futile. I try but then I eventually just fall back down and end up like I was earlier. I’m just tired, Bill, I don’t ever want to wake up” Dipper finished. 

Bill, to their credit, was trying very hard to understand, not to judge, to be what Dipper needed them to be. But it was hard to watch someone so amazing hate themselves so much.

“I love you” Bill whispered, “I know it doesn’t help, but it’s true. I want to help you. I want you to tell me when you need me, to let me know what you need from me. If you want me to just hold you or bring you food or kiss you or anything you could possibly need. Tell me. Please.”

“I just want you” Dipper said, “And thank you for listening, I know it’s stupid. Also, thank you for looking after me earlier. I just kinda felt like absolute shit for no reason and I just kept thinking about every little thing that I’ve ever done wrong and I didn’t think to bother you or anything. I just.. when I’m like that, I push everyone away because I hurt people and I don’t want to hurt anyone. So if you’d asked, I would’ve said I was fine, but by the time I registered that, you were there, you were taking me to bed and holding me. And…can you please hold me again?”

 

Dipper pressed further into Bill, pulling their arms around himself and leaning into the kisses being placed atop his head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, or prompt me for future chapters <3 I'll be updating as soon as I can, but it may be a while I've got a con this weekend and a hell of a lot of school work to do as well <3


	4. Little Dipper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill takes Dipper on a little road-trip but gets a bit too distracted...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has commented or left kudos. You really help me keep up writing <3 Here’s the playlist mentioned if you want it, by the way (https://www.dropbox.com/sh/qxgzferp7swki5t/AACBQLHRNFn-44MmM8WwVDT4a?dl=0)

Dipper laughed and held his stomach. It hurt but for once in his life it was a good kind of pain. The smile wouldn’t leave his face no matter how much his cheeks hurt and he was having trouble focusing on the task at hand, he didn’t need to.

Bill was sitting besides him, driving them somewhere that they wouldn’t tell Dipper. It was okay though because their smile was more contained as they trained the corner of their eye on their boyfriend’s laughing fit.

Bill’s joke hadn’t even been that funny, a stupid one-liner about road signs but Dipper was having a good day today, the first one in a long time. Being woken up by kisses wasn’t at all bad and being made breakfast didn’t hurt the boy’s good mood. Bill had apparently packed and gotten everything ready for whatever this was, so all Dipper did was shower and get dressed.

Now the two were almost an hour into their journey, taking Dipper’s car from the college’s long term parking lot and squashing their bags into the back. Dipper had played his favourite playlist through the car’s stereo and talked animatedly about every song. Bill was just content to see their boyfriend enjoying himself.

Once Dipper had recovered from his laughing fit, he started telling Bill about the first time he’d heard the song that was playing. Dipper’s face heated when he told of how much it reminded him of Bill, but the reaction he got was Bill’s right hand reaching to hold his left.

~~~

Bill pulled into a service station after the playlist finished, nixing Dipper’s offers to pay and getting a few snacks for them to eat while they drove.

"I really wanna know where we’re going. Please, please Bill, I wanna know" Dipper begged as they walked towards the car.

"We’re an hour away, just be patient. Okay, Pine Tree?"

"Okay" Dipper mumbled, playing upset but happily getting into the car and tearing open a bag of crisps.

Bill started the car and they were once again on the move.

~~~

 

"Oh My God" Dipper almost screamed, "You loser. I can’t believe you actually bought me here"

Bill just smiled and watched as Dipper tried and failed to sit still in the passenger seat.

"An actual abandoned theme park" Dipper put his hands over his mouth and attempted to stay quiet, squirming and not quite knowing what to do or how to act, "How the heck did you know how to get here?!"

"That" Bill said, feigning seriousness "Is classified information"

"Oh. I don’t care how you know, but you are amazing, okay?" Dipper leaned over to plant a kiss on Bill’s cheek before leaving the car to see the rusted entrance up closer.

The gate was easy to push open but Dipper didn’t go inside, he just looked through into the park. There were old rides and food stands scattered throughout the place. He wondered what had run them out of here but didn’t worry too much when he felt Bill’s arms wrap around his waist. Small kisses were placed along his neck and Dipper tilted his head to give Bill more access.

"You wanna go in?" Bill asked, pulling away to get a backpack out of the car and returning to Dipper, who just smiled and wrapped his arms around Bill in a hug of appreciation.

They made their way through the park, finding a place under an old rollercoaster to eat. They unpacked the backpack full of food underneath. Vines twisted around the tracks, making the lighting soft and quite beautiful.

"I’ve always liked places like this" Dipper said, "It’s like nature took back over the space. It feels like you’re in someone’s distorted memory when they realise that it wasn’t as great as they remembered. It feels quiet, like it’s meant to hurt but it isn’t my hurt. I never had this place to lose it, but it still feels like everywhere holds stories"

"You think a lot, Pine Tree" was all Bill said, before they started consuming their meal.

~~~

The afternoon was spent playing tag amidst broken thrill rides and playing twenty questions. The spinning swings ended up breaking when Dipper tried to sit on Bill’s lap to kiss them properly. The chain snapped under their combined weight and sent them to the ground with a yelp from Dipper which was followed with chuckling from them both and heated kissing in the overgrown grass.

As it started to get dark, Bill suggested that they should probably get on their way.

"There’s a hotel twenty minutes away, I was thinking we could drop our things off and head out for dinner at this nice restaurant I know” 

Dipper, as usual, didn’t really know how to respond to Bill’s gestures. Instead, he settled for squeezing their intertwined hands, and pulling Bill towards the car.

~~~

Once Dipper had finished marvelling at the room they were staying in and thanking Bill with hugs and kisses, they walked to the restaurant. The sun was starting to set and they ended up with linked fingers swinging between them. The town they were in was small, it reminded Dipper of something out of a book, where the town would actually be teeming with magical action behind the appearance of normality.

Nothing unusual occurred on their walk though. Dipper and Bill were usually ones to be content in silence but Bill insisted on asking Dipper numerous questions.

“So how did you decide what to study?”, “How many pets have you had?”, “Have you ever dated anyone before?” The list went on and Dipper tried his best to answer every question fired at him.

When they reached the restaurant, Bill asked for a specific table, and they were led to a table set up outside amidst hanging lanterns and a lightly running stream. It was absolutely beautiful and Dipper, once again, couldn’t begin to string together words to express what he was feeling.

~~~

“I feel bad because you’re doing all these amazing things for me and I just- I spend most of my time being sad and lazy”

“Hey” Bill took Dipper’s face in their hand, “You are so much more than that, okay? Because you’re fighting something, that does not mean that you aren’t perfect to me. You try so hard just to get out of bed, that sometimes mean that there’s not enough energy left for silly things like dates and romance. You mean so much to me. Even if you’re sad, I still love you”

“I love you too” Dipper mumbled, unsure what else to say. Bill constantly did this. They always knew what to say and what to do, and Dipper was just a laconic person but he wasn’t going to let his thoughts ruin this day, so he did his best to push them from his mind and talk to Bill.

“So how did you find these places? Really, I feel like I’m in some cute indie movie right now. Where even are we?”

“The town’s called ‘Chutes de Pesanteur’ it’s French”

“I’ve never heard of it”

“Very few people have, Pine Tree but that’s why I thought you’d like it. It’s unique, like you. It doesn’t draw attention to itself, it’s just quietly beautiful”

A blush quickly spread across Dipper’s cheeks and his lips quirked into a sheepish smile. He watched Bill’s knowing grin for so long that a waiter was soon asking what they wanted to drink.

But Bill was ordering before Dipper could even take the time to feel embarrassed at his obvious infatuation with the other.

~~~

After dinner, Bill was quick to pay and practically drag Dipper from the restaurant but they started walking in the opposite direction from which they came.

“Bill” Dipper started, pulling at their intertwined hands to get them to stop, “We’re going the wrong way, the hotel’s back there.”

Bill turned to face Dipper, smiled warmly and connected their lips softly.

“Trust me, okay?” They whispered against his lips, before continuing to lead Dipper further along the path.

“Of course” Dipper returned, and fell into place walking besides Bill again.

They walked for a while, probably a bit over half an hour before Bill started walking away from the road. They had left the town ages ago and continued along the road. Their new path led them through a brief thicket of trees before turning into a large clearing.

Bill stopped right in the centre and turned to look at Dipper, tilting their head to the side as if asking for Dipper’s thoughts.

“It’s beautiful” Dipper breathed out, tearing his eyes from the beautiful space to look at Bill, “Thank you, just-… for everything. For today, and for looking after me and-“

He was cut off by Bill’s soft lips on his eternally chapped ones and he melted into the feeling of being close to them.  After a moment, Dipper wrapped his arms around Bill and stopped kissing to nuzzle into their neck. He just really loved this side of their relationship, the part that let him just seek comfort in Bill’s body, it made him feel safe, he felt at home.

With this thought, Dipper felt a rush of affection course through him. He actually felt at home. That was something he never thought he’d feel, it was a feeling that he’d never even considered a possibility. But Bill was tracing patterns over the back of his neck with one hand while the other toyed with the tips of his curls and Dipper couldn’t help but try to pull them even closer.

“Pine Tree” Bill sighed, and moved to hold Dipper at arm’s length “I love you, okay? And it’s not because you make me happy, it’s because you’re smart and when you’re happy you become so sure of yourself. You come up with amazing thoughts and ideas that always hit me because I don’t think those words have ever been strung together that way in the history of language. Your brain is so beautiful and you are so beautiful, okay?”

Dipper nodded and blinked away the tears beginning to form in his eyes. Now was not the time for crying.

“You feel like home” He said quietly, the air around them seemed to understand the weight of those words and push them closer.

Bill’s arms wrapped smoothly around Dipper’s waist and Dipper’s head rested on their shoulder, hands grasping at the back of Bill’s shirt, wanting to become so close that they became one entity.

Slowly the embrace became more relaxed, Dipper’s desperation to be close soon became a need for soft kisses and gentle hands. Bill’s protectiveness evolved into hunger and their teeth grazed along Dipper’s bottom lip, bodies pressed so close together that Bill’s skin was sensitive to Dipper’s heart beating inside his chest.

They stopped kissing for a moment to catch their breaths when Bill took the opportunity to pull Dipper to the ground, putting him in a straddling position atop of them. Dipper’s head was sitting on his own hands while his elbows were resting lightly on Bill’s chest so that he could watch their face.

Bill smiled at the boy, bringing up their hand to brush the hair from Dipper’s eyes, they felt the urge to never letting the contact break between them. Their hand ended up resting on the side of Dipper’s face, stroking the soft skin lightly. Their other hand ended up behind their head, so that looking at Dipper didn’t strain their neck as much.

“I love you, yeah?” They said, still not over how the words felt on their tongue.

“Yeah” Dipper said, letting his arms drop so he could rest his head on Bill’s chest and hear their heartbeat, “I love you too” It was almost an afterthought but Dipper was too lost in the feeling of tranquility that the day had bought him.

They stayed like that for a while close together but following separate trains of thought. Both were ensnared in thoughts of each other, though.

“Pine Tree” Bill said, and nudged Dipper to get him to move off of their body. “Look up”

Dipper settled besides Bill, snuggling into their side and letting their legs intertwine. His eyes slowly focused upwards. The stars were bright where they were, so far from cities and lights. The blackness was speckled with white dots that Dipper used to dream of touching.

“They’re incredible” Dipper said “Half of them could be dead right now, we could be looking at a graveyard but even so it’s so beautiful. Their dead bodies burning away slowly in the eternity of time and space just to reach us. It’s kind of amazing”

“See what I mean?” Bill said, “You have the most beautiful mind. But I meant right there”

Bill’s hand entered Dipper’s vision, pointing across the dotted sky to a constellation Dipper was very familiar with.

“It’s the big dipper” The boy said, studying the stars and their pattern in the sky.

“One of the stars is slightly off” Bill said

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the one the second to the left doesn’t match the ones on your forehead quite properly”

“When did you take the time to memorise my birth mark?”

 

“You sleep a lot. You’re beautiful when you’re asleep, you don’t look worried or stressed. You look like you’re content”

“That’s a bit creepy” Dipper laughs, “But also extremely sappy” He leaned up to place a kiss to Bill’s neck.

“The stars are beautiful, though, especially because of how they remind me of you”

“Again, very sappy, Bill”

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it” Bill says before rolling over and switching their positions so that their mouth could lean down and kiss the younger boy on the lips.

Their mouths pressed together softly, moving slowly, letting them progress naturally until tongues were tangling together in a space that wasn’t strictly Bill’s or Dipper’s, but lay somewhere between them becoming their combined, yet finite, universe. It slowly began to grow, surrounding them as they tried to get closer and closer. Their warmth radiating outward and yet ever quite leaving the space they were in.

Their finite universe seemed to entrap them. Dipper didn’t know if he was going crazy but when he finally opened his eyes, Bill’s own eyes seemed to be glowing. But then they were pressing kisses to his neck and Dipper closed his eyes again. They stayed shut as bruises and hickies slowly blossomed over his neck, trailing to his collar bone, then turning into pecks that were leading to his lips, and Dipper was quick to kiss back.

He felt like everything was soft and comfortable, Bill’s skin felt like heaven against his, their fingers like marshmallow, their tongue sliding perfectly with his.

Bill then went back to kissing his neck, and Dipper opened his eyes to try to see the damage being done.

He started, the world was wrong. Was he really going crazy? The world around him was black and white, it was too much to just blame it on the lack of light because last he looked he could see the green of the trees against the moon, but now they were grey. Dipper then looked at Bill, who was still kissing his neck but they were glowing. Positively emitting light from their being and- and Dipper was glowing too, the only color in a monochrome world.

He started to breathe fast, beginning to panic. He was actually losing his mind. The depression and anxiety weren’t bad enough and now he was hallucinating a world without color.

Bill pulled away when they notice Dipper’s state, tears pooling in his eyes and hyperventilating.

 

“Pine Tree?”

 

 “Do you see it?” Dipper stuttered out, “The world is wrong, oh fuck”

 

Bill looked around, then their face paled, his expression quickly turning to panic.

 

“Look, Pine Tree” He started, “It’s okay, I didn’t mean to- I just got too distracted with you and- I’m so sorry, Dipper”

 

“What the fuck is going on- oh god” Dipper was breathing heavily, head spinning as he sat up.

 

The world was still monochrome as Dipper stared at it, looking over at the trees and the grass. Then he looked at Bill, who was now sitting across from him, their face filled with concern.

 

Dipper couldn’t concentrate on their face though, because his body seemed to be flickering, still going, but appearing as a bad animation would.

 

The edge of Dipper’s vision was blurring as he struggled to keep breathing. He drew his knees to his chest and held them close with his arms, trying to ground himself. He hadn’t had a panic attack this bad in so long.

 

He only realized that he was crying when his sleeves began to soak. His head was throbbing and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears going much too fast.

 

“Pine tree?” Bill said, though Dipper barely heard it over the ringing in his ears, “It’s okay, try to lie down”

 

Dipper couldn’t understand what was being said, the words were definitely English but his head couldn’t comprehend what they meant. Then Bill’s hands were forcing him to lay on his back and Dipper didn’t have the energy to fight back.

 

His head felt slightly better, and he could make out Bill’s face through his blurry vision. He heard them try to speak too, but Bill was still glowing and shifting. Dipper closed his eyes, trying to calm himself but only ended up breathing faster than before. He couldn’t hear anything anymore, only a dull roar in his ears, his head felt heavy and sore and he couldn’t feel his feet.

 

The last thing Dipper remembered from that night was fingers pressing against his temples before succumbed to the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> It's not beta'd so if someone wants to do it I'll pay you with chapter previews and my eternal love <3 or just tell me if there's any mistakes, that works too. Thanks for reading please tell me what you think, it's my first fic for this fandom and my first in a while ^_^


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